This past Saturday morning, as i awoke to a massive amount of bedhead, something had happened the night before that put in me a desperation to get to my word...All week I had been working through Psalms 5 and I knew that that chapter was exactly where I needed to go. SOOO..knowing that, I totally bypassed trying to tame the bedhead mane, started a cup of coffee, grabbed my ole big fluffy faithful blanket, my journal (which has two pages left actually..time for the search for a new one to begin..YAY!), my bible and headed for the couch...
my thoughts are untamed, wild even...as I sought after deeper meaning of Psalms 5..I needed a word. something. anything. ever been there? Where you know you messed up..you know that you blew it..and you desperately seek out God's grace and love..you know it's there for you..and you search for it like a sloth searches for his ray bans...
ohhhhhhhh....laughing histerically right now. that made absolutely no sense, and has absolutely nothing to do with what i'm talking about...but gosh, it's funny. your welcome for that laugh (hehehe).
okay, but seriously...I jumped all over the chapter and found me several words <THANK YA JESUS!>....copying verbatim from my journal this morning, so feel very lucky. I never share my journal ;)..
"But I through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house."
---> Your love, God, is abundant. It is steady, it's flowing..when I enter your house, i enter only because you love me enough to allow me to enter. Lord, when I enter THIS house, my house, i enter with your love as a banner and a ceiling. Your love covers this house...Lord, this is where your presence lives, where you speak life, where you heal broken lives. where you put the pieces back together. where you whisper hope and sing your grace and mercy over the people who step through our doors. over me. over us. Jesus, how do we land such a beautiful set up? Let no evil live here God...
"For You are not a God who delights in wickedness, evil may not dwell with you. The boastful shall not stand before your eyes. You hate all evildoers...But I will bow down in your holy temple in the fear of you..."
---> Daddy, You hate evil...you can't bear the sight of it...the stench of it...there has to be absolutely no trace of evil in my life...because my life is your temple. In the deepest part of my heart, I bow down to you because you're holy. create inside me a gorgeous, jaw dropping beautiful temple...Jesus, your word is my temple's clean sweep. it's my food. it's life giving...it's what keeps me filled to the brim. I need it..I desire it...I've got to have it or else I'll be swallowed up by the world...I'm a ticking time bomb without you...ready to go off ANY second...without you, my life has no truth..those who don't really know you live off lies...they are fooled and will work to pull me in and fool ME...
"There is no truth in their mouths, their inmost self is destruction..."
---> Lord, if within myself, there is ANY trace of me, of my self. my evil fleshly desires, my pride. my anger. my greed. my envy. Lord, if my SELF is found in me, i'll end up destroyed. Truth will be hidden from me, lost. SELF and TRUTH do not live together. They are not friends. my SELF cannot be trusted. my SELF'S desires are rooted in ME. In selfishness, in evil. Lord, forgive me when I focus on ME. I am not living in truth when i focus on what i want...i'm speaking and living lies when it's about me. Jesus, I desire truth. I ache for it. I desire you. purity. your plans. i've SEEN your plans. I've SEEN what living for you brings...and i want it. you're living water. i love drinking in your water...finding your words and truths give me hope. peace. joy...
"There throat is an open grave...they flatter others with their tongue..."
---> People who are self centered, who love evil, who find pleasure out of sin...these people think their living like royalty, but because they are blinded, where they actually ARE is a stinkin, rotten cemetery... there is nothing alive in them...they ingest death and gluttony in SELF...when they breathe out harm and life-killing words. about people. they get their evil joy when they think they've killed someone else's. THEY BREATHE OUT DEATH...it's an entrance into a black soul. an evil relationship. a deep pit of tangled lies, tangled sin. they open their mouths and flatter others to lure them into their grave. as soon as people walk into their lives, they close their mouth and swallow them. that's an incredibly accurate picture of satan and what HE DOES..hmm..go figure...
These are only a few verses I tackled Saturday morning...but the Lord spoke to me a massive amount on what He desires of me. what He cannot STAND, literally. what He has called me NOT to be...from all of this, I walked away with this in mind...
you CAN'T be a good person and not have Jesus. what i think is good, is evil. the only good in a person comes from Jesus Christ IN that person. no person has pure motives without Jesus in their life. he is the one who purifies. Without Christ, our relationships are disguised as being good - but truly their are rotten to the core. Lord, if you are not first..if you are not the ONLY option in my life, my relationships, my life, will fail. i will quit.
"...the nearness of YOU brings more awareness of YOU and more awareness of YOU, brings more awareness of my sin...YOU reveal to me the sin that displeases YOU. YOU do so in order to remain close to me, for YOU "do not dwell with evil...YOU are not a God who delights in wickedness..." but YOU REVEAL sin to be near me...YOU ASK me to take refuge in YOU and leave my sin outside of where YOU are near. The more aware I become of YOU, the more i am drawn away from the very things that break YOUR heart. YOUR nearness in my life is more important than the sin in my life and... without YOUR nearness, there IS no life. with sin, there is only one option...death.
The only way to be completely removed from evil is to be completely filled with Jesus...
If we do not cling to Jesus, if we do not beg him to move in our lives, if we do not sit for hours until we hear him, then...WE ARE PSALM 5.
"Let all who take refuge in you rejoice, let them sing for joy and spread your protection over them...<like a big ole fluffy faithful blanket>..."
the blanket is there...but if your cold, YOU have to grab the blanket and throw it over you...wrap yourself in it...
Choosing today to wrap myself in Jesus...
Ash =)
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